Adorable! This cat’s expression reminds me of a few people in my family – if you wake them, they appreciate it as much as this little guy does!

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1. If you have to throw up, get onto furniture quickly. If you cannot manage this in time, get to an expensive throw rug. The more expensive, the better.

2. Determine which dinner guest hates cats. Sit on that lap during the evening. They wouldn’t dare push you off. They may even coo, “Nice Kitty” to you. Try to arrange tuna on your breath, and by all means meow often.

3. For sitting on laps or rubbing against pants, select colors which contrast with your own.

4. Always, always accompany guests to the restroom, ESPECIALLY those who are afraid of cats. You don’t have to do or say anything. Just stare. It’ll freak them right out.

5. For guests who say, “I love kitties!”, be ready with your best look of boredom. Let them know you are merely tolerating them.

6. DO NOT allow closed doors in any room. To get one open, you have two options: One, you can scratch with a repetitiveness on the wood until someone comes to your aid. Or, two, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws.

Once the door is opened for you, of course, it is not necessary to use it. You can change your mind. When you have ordered an outside door opened, stand half in/half out and think about a variety of things. This is especially effective during winter or mosquito season.

7. When it becomes necessary to dislodge a hairball, choose the dining room during mealtime. If company’s over, all the better.

8. Should you meet with a mishap, such as falling out of a chair or running into a glass door, go about your business and adopt an expression that says, “I meant to do that.”

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10. Cat door retro-fitted with garage door opener.
9. Confused guests constantly mistaking her for beanbag chair.
8. Fifteen month gestation period, and still no kittens.
7. No longer cleans itself unless coated in Cheese Whiz.
6. Kirstie Alley fits through your kitty door without the aid of lubricants.
5. It’s no longer safe to lift him without a spotter.
4. Waits for the third bowl of food to get finicky.
3. He only catches mice that get trapped in his gravitational pull.
2. Enormous gut keeps your hardwood floors freshly buffed.
1. Has more chins than lives.

Alexa isn’t amused by this post, whatsoever.

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I haven’t had much time to post lately, since my free time’s pretty much spent with Alexa – telling her how brave she is and how much I love her (at least the second one’s actually true!). I took her to the vet to have her leg checked today and they said everything looked fine, but she has to leave the splint and bandaging on for about 5 more weeks.

She was a total she devil on the way to the vet. I had her in a cardboard carrier (I have no idea where our good one disappeared to. I suspect Svenn burned it.), and she began shredding it with her teeth on the way! By the time I carried her into the vet’s office, part of her little angry face was all the way through one of the holes.

Everyone in the office got a huge kick out of it. Of course, they didn’t have to ride back home with her!

She’s been sleeping since we got home – only getting up to eat and drink once. I guess she wore herself out. I think I should probably put a pot of coffee on, it looks like we’ll be up all night – arranging/rearranging her toys, dishing out salmon treats, giving her pink brush a workout, etc. Then she’ll curl up on her pink baby blanket and sleep like an angel.

Problem is, it wasn’t a halo on her head this morning!

I thought you’d get a kick out of the picture above. It came to me in an e-mail today. When I brought the hellcat home, I got into my e-mail and very much needed the smile this picture produced!

Click it for a larger view. Priceless.

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My cat does not tear up paper… she’s recycling.

My cat does not break things … she’s a science geek and it conducting experiments with gravity.

My cat does not fear dogs … he is merely selective of the company he keeps.

My cat is not a glutton… she simply appreciates the culinary efforts made on her behalf.

My cat does not scratch … he is a furniture ventilator. He happens to also specialize in ventilating wood frames, paneling, carpet, window frames…

My cat does not catterwaul … she is singing off-key. Intentionally.

My cat does not hog the spot on the couch… he’s keeping it warm for us.

My cat is not a Chatty Kathy…. she’s so full of wit and wisdom, she can’t control it all.

My cat is not finicky… he’s particular.

My cat is not a pest … she’s a selfless entertainer.

My cat is not a heartless hunter … he is a wildlife control expert.

My cat is not mean… she’s practicing for the role as Batman’s next villain.

My cat is not fat … she is insulated.

My cat is not lazy … she is conserving her energy.

My cat does not get underfoot … he’s protective. He’s making sure I arrive safely at his food dish.

My cat is not always in the way… she’s always there for us.

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SIGNS YOU’RE HAVING A BAD DAY

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If Svenn had a MySpace, this is a pic he’d probably post. Unfortunately (or fortunately), he’s pretty conservative and kind of looks down on the whole MySpace thing.

My daughter Brittany and I were outside with Svenn and Bo a few nights ago and they were posing for her camera (hams). Britt snapped this one and called it Svenn’s EMO shot. If you’ve seen any of the EMO kids, you’ll get exactly what that means – if not, you might think I’m as crazy as my cat looks!

She did a few effects on the pic, and when another of my daughters, Stephany, saw it, she said, “Svenn is SO EMO!”

Who knew?

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If you happen to have $22,000 lying around and don’t know quite what to do with it…I’ve got a solution for you. You can buy an Ashera. I know, just what you were thinking, right?

The Ashera is a new breed of designer cat that does, indeed, sell for $22,000. This beautiful, high brow cat is bred by Los Angeles-based Lifestyle Pets. The Ashera “is a new ultra-exotic breed of domestic cat that already has wealthy animal devotees paying to get on the waiting list…” according to the company’s press release.

They go on to say “…the Ashera is unique in that genetic monitoring is used to standardize breeding and ensure that the defining features and size of the [animal] remain exceptionally consistent.” When I chuck out $22,000 I pretty much insist on it being exceptionally consistent. The Ashera, which can grow to 30 pounds, is said to have been produced by cross-breeding an African Serval and an Asian Leopard Cat with a domestic feline.

Whatever went into the cat batter, it makes for one handsome cat – I’ll give them that. But $22,000? Man, that’s 4400 trips to Starbucks.

Even if I had thousands upon thousands lying around, and even if I were mightily tempted by this beauty, I wouldn’t dare even think about it. Alexa would eat it. Then she’d burp dollar signs.

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Stretch Kelley Art Print
Herrero, Lowell
Buy at AllPosters.com

I have no idea why Alexa’s going by a different name in this art print – but it’s a nice pic, anyway. Sure, her coloring is a little different, and I’ve never seen those scales or that food dish….but I know my baby girl’s figure when I see it.

Gotta love a fat cat!

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